Paint the Beauty

In the fall of 2021, a couple of people recommended a podcast to me.  Usually the podcasts I listen to are focused on comedy, true crime, or the supernatural.  I intentionally try to stay away from religious based things.  After all, it can become too consuming.  And I do have a life outside of the church.  But the podcast intrigued me.  It's called 'The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill' produced by "Christianity Today."

If you're not familiar with Mars Hill, it was a church planted by Mark Driscoll (and others) in Seattle in the mid-1990's.  At the time, it was a bold move on the part of the church planters.  Seattle is known to be one of the least religious cities in the United States and most people agreed at the time that a conservative church plant would never succeed.  But they were wrong.  Mars Hill did succeed.  Not only did it stick, but it actually flourished.

But this post isn't about Mars Hill.  There are hundreds of blogs about that if you're interested.  It's not a post about Mark Driscoll.  I don't know him.  It's a post about my experience of listening to the podcast.  As I reluctantly hit play on the first episode, I really wasn't expecting to get into the story as quickly as I did.  As I listened, I did get into it.  There was just something about the story telling that intrigued me.  By the time I got through the second episode I realized what the intrigue was.  I felt as thought the Holy Spirit was holding a mirror in front of me.  He was convicting me to examine my own pastoral leadership through the lens of what happened with Driscoll and Mars Hill.

Throughout Driscoll's tenure at Mars Hill, he manipulated the system to his benefit.  He refused to be held accountable by anyone.  If someone disagreed with him, he would angrily dismiss the person.  In fact he famously stated, "There is a pile of dead bodies behind the Mars Hill bus, and by God's grace, it'll be a mountain by the time we're done."  Instead of lamenting about the carnage he was causing, Driscoll celebrated it.

As the Spirit of God held the mirror up in front of me episode after episode I reflected back on my years in pastoral leadership.  How many people had I run over with a bus?  Was there a pile of bodies in my wake? How often have I used the system to benefit me?  These questions, and hundreds like them, continued to swirl through my mind.  With a repentant spirit, I listened.  Many times I dreaded the story that the next episode would reveal.  I was sorry partly for the Mars Hill people it happened to.  But I was also sorry for the things I had said and done in my own past that caused pain in people.

When I finished the podcast this week, two important things have remained with me.  First, is a question that's asked at the end.  "What gospel was Mars Hill preaching?"  I can't answer that question.  But I can explore the question of "What gospel do I preach?"  My hope is that I consistently preach the good news of Jesus Christ.  But what I preach and what people hear me preach could very well be two different gospels. So I'm being more intentional in my sermon preparation.  I'm intentionally seeking to balance righteousness with mercy and grace with justice built on the foundation of love.  If I fail to do that then I've failed to preach the gospel of Jesus.

Secondly, this podcast opened a wound within me that I've desperately tried to let scar over.  That scar is a result of the pending split of The United Methodist Church.  The opening theme of the podcast is a song written and performed by Kings Kaleidoscope, a band formed at Mars Hill.  The song's title is "Sticks and Stones."  Here are the lyrics:

Did I pledge my allegiance

For the purpose of progress

To a priest or a prophet

Playing god in the process?

Was I chasing convenience

In a wave of disaster

Where the captain's a captor

And I'm a puppet to pastor?

A worthless war

A curtain torn

To take control of this ship

A nail of shame

A broken vein

To write redemption a script

A truth-less gun

A dying Son

To turn the tables we flipped

Turn the tables we flipped

Paint the beauty we split

Paint the beauty we split

Paint the beauty we split

Paint the beauty we split

Nah nah nah, nah

They don't get it, I don't get it

We're committed to sticks and stones

What's a vision if it's driven to imprison?

I don't know

They don't get it, I don't get it

We're committed to sticks and stones

Undecided, but I'm trying still divided

So it goes

A worthless war

A curtain torn

To take control of this ship

A nail of shame

A broken vein

To write redemption a script

A truth-less gun

A dying Son

To turn the tables we flipped

Turn the tables we flipped

Paint the beauty we split

Paint the beauty we split

Paint the beauty we split

Paint the beauty we split

Turn the tables we flipped (Nah nah nah, nah)

Paint the beauty we split

Take control of this ship

Paint the beauty we split

Write redemption a script

Paint the beauty we split

Turn the tables we flipped

Paint the beauty we split

Nah nah nah, nah

Show me a man, an honest mission

I'm willing to hope beyond suspicion

Show me the race, I'll run the distance

Longing to give and taste forgiveness

Dying to live a pure religion

Settle the rush to chase submission

Open my eyes and soul to listen

This song was originally written as the band processed their part of the Mars Hill story.  But it is much larger than that.  When I hear it, I hear the story of The United Methodist Church.  Both sides of our church have pledged their allegiance to the purpose of progress to a priest or a prophet.  We have allowed ourselves to be puppets to whichever leader is in control of our faction of the church.  We have been committed to sticks and stones.  We have flipped the tables and in the process we have piled up the bodies behind the United Methodist bus.  

After I finished listening to the final podcast, I immediately listened to this song.  I wept.  When I allow myself to think about it, I weep again.  I'm tired of the posturing.  I'm tired of the table flipping.  I'm tired of the split.  So where do I go from here?  I don't know.  I'm disenfranchised from both sides of my church.  There is no place for me or my voice in the post-split church.  For now, I wait.  The hope I have is that Jesus will paint the beauty we split.  Somewhere in that painted beauty maybe I'll find my way.

Lessons and Criticism

Any time that a person has a public profile, criticisms become common place.  I've been told by more than one person that "so and so" is your worst critic.  But that's really not true.  In my understanding of who I am as a child of God, as a parent, as a son, and as a pastor, I have learned that I am my own worst critic.  I have learned to be honest with myself.  After all, how else is a person going to grow?  The only way that I know of to gain wisdom is to make mistakes and learn from them.  If I continue to make the same mistake over and again without learning from it, then that is mere foolishness.

Times of transition are the perfect opportunity for me to look back...to reflect upon who I have been, the mistakes I've made, and hopefully how I have grown.  I learned many years ago that I am not the most brilliant scholar.  I have struggled with math my entire life.  I don't understand the mechanics of most machines.  My communication skills are not always up to par.  Sometimes I come across as being gruff when I'm trying to process what is happening around me.  Because I'm an introvert, I am awkward in many social situations.  I can be hard headed at times.  And if I'm not careful, I can be perceived as being arrogant.

So yes, I am well aware of my shortcomings.  But I'm also aware of God's intervention in my life.  Even though I still have many faults and I need to grow in certain areas, I also know that God has grown me.  Through adversity I have learned the amazing teaching of Jesus about forgiveness.  Seventy times seven, Lord?  Yes indeed!  I thank God I've learned that lesson.  Dying to self is the only real way to live life?  Oh, that is certainly true.  I thank God I've learned that one.  The last will be first?  Thank God for that lesson! Generosity (yes I mean money) as a way of life?  This lesson has given me great joy.  And the most recent lesson I have learned, that I must suffer in the name of Jesus.  That lesson has taught me to expect suffering because it is a gauge, telling me if I am truly being a Christ follower.

Now, I'll admit that I don't always live these lessons out to their fullest degree.  But I can guarantee that I have come a long way over the past three years.  By God's grace, I have matured.  My skills have become sharper.  The Holy Spirit has honed in on some of my weaknesses and made me better than I was.  I am more prepared now than I was in 2011 to be a servant-leader.  I think I do look a little more like Jesus now than I did.

Last year at my ordination, the Bishop asked me and the other ordinands one of the historic questions from our tradition.  "Are you going on to perfection?"  I really like this question.  It doesn't ask if we are perfect...it asks if we are moving in that direction.  And as I look back upon the past few years I see even more clearly than I did last year.  So my answer is again, "Yes Bishop, by God's grace, I am."

Until next time...

Dustin

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United Methodists and Pope Francis

So the last couple of weeks have been rather interesting across the Christian world.  Something that hadn't happened in about 600 years happened...the Bishop of Rome resigned his position over the Church.  I must admit, I was taken by surprise when he did.  There are some things that just aren't supposed to happen.  There are certain parts of life that are supposed to stay the same and the Pope serving until his death is one of them.  One of the first responses that I heard from various people is "Why should we care?  We're not Catholic!"  While I understand where that sentiment comes from, I can't agree with it.

Whether we like it or not, all Christian churches have their roots in the historical church that dates back over 2,000 years.  When you take time to study Church history, you see where various doctrines and practices come from.  You begin to understand the layers and layers of meaning that dwell within the Church.  One of my favorite quotes comes from a Church historian when he said this about the Church's past, "Without understanding that past, we are unable to understand ourselves, for in a sense the past still lives in us and influences who we are and how we understand the Christian message...When we stand, sit, or kneel in church, when we sing a hymn, recite a creed, or refuse to recite one, when we build a church or preach a sermon, a past of which we may not be aware is one of the factors involved in our actions."--Justo Gonzalez

So with that in mind, what does it mean to a United Methodist that the cardinals of the Roman Church have elected a new Bishop of Rome?  Well, for starters, it means that 1.2 billion of our brothers and sisters in Christ have a new shepherd.  In many ways, the Catholic Church and the Methodist Church are set up in a similar manner.  The Catholic Church is connectional...so are we.  Recently, my annual conference went through a period of unknown.  In the UMC, it is rare for us to go without a pastor or bishop.  However, this last session of bishop appointments hit a snag.  And for reasons that are unimportant, the Northwest Texas Annual Conference was without a permanent appointed bishop for a few months.  It was a rather unusual time for us.  As far as I know, it has been the only time in the history of Methodism that something like this had happened.  The local churches continued to minister and our conference leadership continued to lead, but it was a bit odd not to have a bishop.  When our bishop was finally appointed to us, it was much better.  While I still haven't met him, it really doesn't matter.  Just knowing that we have a shepherd over us makes me feel better.  It brings me peace of mind to have someone in that office.  So I empathize with my Catholic brothers and sisters.  In many ways, we are in the same boat.  Neither of us knows in which direction our leader will take us and yet we trust the Holy Spirit to lead and guide these men.  We believe that God is active and that he is instrumental in the decisions that these men are making.

Another reason that we United Methodists should care about the Catholic Church's recent ordeal is that the world is watching.  Since there are so many Catholics across the globe and since the Catholic Church has been a major force in world history, the secular world pays careful attention to what happens and how other Christians respond to what has happened.  An event like this gives all of us who claim Christ a chance to witness to our devotion to Christ and our love for one another.  What I find impressive is when Church leaders from other denominations take time to express their well-wishes to the newly elected Pope Francis.  One of my favorites comes from the newly appointed Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, who said this, "We have long since recognised-and often reaffirmed-that our churches hold a special place for one another.  I look forward to meeting Pope Francis, and to walking and working together to build on the consistent legacy of our predecessors."  And here is the official response from the Council of Bishops of the UMC, "We, the people of The United Methodist Church, are ready to continue the journey with the Roman Catholic Church, praying for one another, staying in respectful dialogue with one another, knowing of the differences but believing that Christ unites us." (Bishop Rosemarie Wenner-president of The United Methodist Council of Bishops.)*

And finally, we United Methodists should care because we are all on the same side.  Christ is our Lord.  We all believe in one God in three persons.  We all pray that the Father will lead us...that the Son will show us...that the Holy Spirit will guide us.  All of us who profess Christ are living in a world that is becoming increasingly hostile toward us.  We live in a time that those who oppose the Church are becoming bolder.  We live in a time where people who don't believe in God are no longer atheists...they are anti-theists.  Not only do these people not want to believe in God, they are actively seeking out to destroy our faith in God.  Instead of the in-fighting of the past, our various denominations must seek out harmony and unity.  While it can be difficult to heal past wounds, that is what we must do.  We must apologize to each other and we must seek reconciliation.  While we may not agree on everything theologically, that's okay.  My wife and I don't always agree theologically, and yet we continue to live together, to love one another, and to work together.

So I lift up my prayers...my voice with the countless others across the globe to congratulate the Catholic Church on her new leader.  I sincerely hope that Pope Francis continues to seek the Holy Spirit's guidance as he leads.  I hope he feels love and support from the United Methodist Church, from our bishops, our clergy, and our laity.  And I pray that God continues to unite us as brothers and sisters of the faith and that our witness resounds the world over.

I invite you to pray this prayer written by Taylor W. Burton-Edwards for Pope Francis:

Gracious God,
look with favor on your servant, Jorge,
now elected Francis, Pope of the Roman Catholic Church,
that he may lead with great faithfulness and compassion
among the people entrusted to his care,
and be a sign of the unity and hope
for which Christ prayed
for all your people, in every Church and land;

Through Jesus Christ our Lord,
who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit,
One God, now and ever.  Amen.**



Until next time...



*You can read the entire article at http://www.umc.org/site/apps/nlnet/content3.aspx?c=lwL4KnN1LtH&b=5259669&ct=13021863

**"Prayer for a Pope" by Taylor W. Burton-Edwards.
Copyright (c) 2013 , The General Board of Discipleship
of the United Methodist Church.  Used by permission.

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