Any time that a person has a public profile, criticisms become common place. I've been told by more than one person that "so and so" is your worst critic. But that's really not true. In my understanding of who I am as a child of God, as a parent, as a son, and as a pastor, I have learned that I am my own worst critic. I have learned to be honest with myself. After all, how else is a person going to grow? The only way that I know of to gain wisdom is to make mistakes and learn from them. If I continue to make the same mistake over and again without learning from it, then that is mere foolishness.
Times of transition are the perfect opportunity for me to look back...to reflect upon who I have been, the mistakes I've made, and hopefully how I have grown. I learned many years ago that I am not the most brilliant scholar. I have struggled with math my entire life. I don't understand the mechanics of most machines. My communication skills are not always up to par. Sometimes I come across as being gruff when I'm trying to process what is happening around me. Because I'm an introvert, I am awkward in many social situations. I can be hard headed at times. And if I'm not careful, I can be perceived as being arrogant.
So yes, I am well aware of my shortcomings. But I'm also aware of God's intervention in my life. Even though I still have many faults and I need to grow in certain areas, I also know that God has grown me. Through adversity I have learned the amazing teaching of Jesus about forgiveness. Seventy times seven, Lord? Yes indeed! I thank God I've learned that lesson. Dying to self is the only real way to live life? Oh, that is certainly true. I thank God I've learned that one. The last will be first? Thank God for that lesson! Generosity (yes I mean money) as a way of life? This lesson has given me great joy. And the most recent lesson I have learned, that I must suffer in the name of Jesus. That lesson has taught me to expect suffering because it is a gauge, telling me if I am truly being a Christ follower.
Now, I'll admit that I don't always live these lessons out to their fullest degree. But I can guarantee that I have come a long way over the past three years. By God's grace, I have matured. My skills have become sharper. The Holy Spirit has honed in on some of my weaknesses and made me better than I was. I am more prepared now than I was in 2011 to be a servant-leader. I think I do look a little more like Jesus now than I did.
Last year at my ordination, the Bishop asked me and the other ordinands one of the historic questions from our tradition. "Are you going on to perfection?" I really like this question. It doesn't ask if we are perfect...it asks if we are moving in that direction. And as I look back upon the past few years I see even more clearly than I did last year. So my answer is again, "Yes Bishop, by God's grace, I am."
Until next time...
Dustin
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