Here Am I

This week I have been thinking about Mary, the chosen mother of the Christ child.  I have read about her encounter with the angel Gabriel numerous times in the gospel of St. Luke.  I find myself drawn into her story and the situation that she found herself in so many years ago.  I try to imagine what it would have been like to be told wondrous news from a messenger of God.

I have tried to enter into the story as an active participant instead of simply a passive listener.  I have tried to imagine the feelings of Mary and the thoughts that would have been racing through her mind as she was called blessed.  As I practiced this method of Scripture study, I was reminded of a song recorded by Amy Grant several years ago.  Take a moment to listen to the words of this song.




As I listened to this song, I truly began to feel the pressures and great expectations that Mary must have felt as she carried the Son of God within her womb.  In the song she states, "I am frightened by the load I bear; In a world as cold as stone, Must I walk this path alone?"  I understand these words.  So many days I too feel the burden of carrying a heavy load.  It seems as though the world around us is cold as stone and is getting colder day after day.  Sometimes being a Christian is lonely.  It seems as though no matter what you do or say, it is the wrong thing.  It seems as though you are walking along a road all by yourself.

In another verse of the song, Mary asks this, "Do you wonder as you watch my face; If a wiser one should have had my place; But I offer all I am."  This verse of the song came flooding over me.  I think about God's call on my life and his insistence that I go forth to be a pastor.  Mary's words from the song ring true in my life.  Does God look at me and regret his decision?  Does God hear me preach and teach and realize that perhaps there was someone wiser, someone better, someone who would certainly have done a better job?

But here is the lesson I have learned from Mary.  My reply, my desire, my entire life can only respond with "Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word."  Mary trusted God.  St. Paul tells us that we "have this treasure in clay jars, so that it may be made clear that this extraordinary power belongs to God and does not come from us."  God knows our insecurities.  He understands our inabilities.  God is more aware of what we can't do than we are.  And yet he has chosen us to carry his Son into a dark world.  Instead of angels announcing the Christ child to all people, he trusts you and me.

So to answer the question, no we are not able.  However, as the song says, "Breath of heaven, hold me together, be forever near...light up my darkness, pour over me your holiness, for you are holy."  Its only through the Breath of Heaven, the Holy Spirit, that we are worthy and that we are able to live up to our calling.  Mary's story reminds us to respond to God's call on us and to allow him to work through us.  Regardless of what we think of ourselves, God knows the desires of our hearts and he will enable us to go forth and do incredible things for his glory alone.  Until next time...

+May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God the Father, and the communion of the Holy Spirit be with you.






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